Babies who have an attuned, sensitive and responsive caregiver more skilfully and joyfully negotiate the world.

Attachment is the way we relate to the important people in our lives. It is a key element of psychological and emotional well-being and forms our views about love and connection. The way we attach to others determines the quality of our relationships, how we see the world and the tone and depth of our lives. Our attachment style and patterns are grounded in our first experiences, namely those primary relationships of our first years of life.

Children form attachments to their main caregivers. These primary attachments are fundamentals of life, as essential to growth and development as breathing and eating. When a child is consistently cared for by someone she knows and trusts, who can be relied upon to respond to her needs with sensitivity and warmth, a secure attachment relationship develops. Caregivers of securely attached children have the ability to make themselves available to their child for comfort and support when she needs them, and to allow her the freedom to follow her curiosity and explore her world in safe ways when she is ready to. This secure relationship gives the child confidence that someone will be available to help her when she needs it. She develops a model of other people as dependable and of herself as deserving of loving care. These models of the self and of others form the foundation of health that the securely attached baby will carry with her for life.

However, if a child experiences care that is inconsistent, unpredictable, cold, hostile or scary, he is likely to develop an attachment that is insecure. Caregivers of insecurely attached children are typically uncomfortable with either too much closeness and neediness or too much distance and independence. Being insecurely attached to a caregiver as a baby means that a child has developed an expectation that the important people in his life will not be reliably and dependably available to him in times of need. The insecurely attached baby grows into a child (and then an adult) with fewer resources for managing his own emotions and his relationships with other people. Unlike a secure child, the insecure child cannot easily identify, understand, tolerate or communicate his feelings, leaving him vulnerable to a host of psychological difficulties. Being an insecurely attached baby is a risk factor for social and emotional problems throughout a person’s life including depression, anxiety, aggression and addiction, as well as a host of medical ailments as well.

Research on brain development has deepened our understanding of the sorts of caregiving that promote well-being in children. This work has confirmed the conclusions first made in attachment research. Babies who have an attuned, sensitive and responsive caregiver more skilfully and joyfully negotiate the world. They are happier, less stressed, more engaged; they recover more quickly from fearful or upsetting experiences and they fare better in social situations. While babies are born with genetic tendencies and potentials, it is their experiences that enhance or diminish these possibilities in life. Via these critical caregiving relationships, babies’ brains are literally being wired. When the neural connections follow a path and pattern of secure attachment, babies face the world with a map that allows them to function well in all settings.

What can parents do?

The fear that responding to a baby’s every need will reinforce needy behaviour and produce dependency is a myth; in fact the opposite is true. Research shows that children who are consistently soothed and comforted and whose emotional needs are dependably met are the ones who emerge with the stability and independence we seek to promote.

To raise securely attached children, parents need to be reasonably emotionally healthy themselves (See Parent Emotional Health.)

Having good information about child development and parenting practices also allows parents to make decisions that support secure attachments. Holding realistic expectations about babies and having access to quality support are essential to feeling confident and satisfied as a parent. Parenting is hard work. It is also the most important work one can undertake. With each child we shape the future and how we do so is in our hands.

 

(You can find professional articles and books that describe, support and further the information presented in this paper in our References.)

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attachment, parenting, attachment parenting, basics', 'Attachment is the way we relate to the important people in our lives. It is a key element of psychological and emotional well-being and forms our views about love and connection. The way we attach to others determines the quality of our relationships, how we see the world and the tone and depth of our lives. Our attachment style and patterns are grounded in our first experiences, namely those primary relationships of our first years of life.